To Yoni Massage, Or Not To Yoni Massage?


To yoni massage or not to yoni massage, THAT is the question… on many women’s lips.


After losing count of the ladies who have reached out to me asking about my thoughts on yoni massage; Have I done it? Do I advocate it? “My friend / guru / someone I’ve met has learned how to do it and wants to give me a yoni massage, what do you think?” Do I offer yoni massage? Is it safe? Is it weird? Should I do this to heal??? It’s clear that the yoni massage has become the ‘en point’ experience for the sexual seeker in this current glamourous spiritual movement.

So, I wanted to share some musings for you to ponder on if you are one of the curious kittens yet to make up your mind.


My answer first and foremost is: ALWAYS do what you feel and know is your TRUTH.

This means asking yourself; What is right for me?

What is right for my yoni, entire body, heart, and mind too?

Is this something I personally want to do? – Or am I driven by a fear of missing out if I don’t – since my friends have experienced it?


Then I encourage you to get very clear about;

* Your ‘Why’ or intention which is motivating you to want this experience. Ask yourself, why do I want / need / desire to do this?

*Is a yoni massage the answer to what you are seeking? If so why?

* Who is the person providing this service? How do they approach their work? Are they emotionally and energetically in harmony with their life?

*Do they live a conscious life and practice what they appear to know as an entire lifestyle?

*Do they offer after care if anything comes up for you once you leave the session?

(This may mean you need to have a chat with them, look into their work and speak with others they may have held sessions for etc to get a better idea.)


“Why all the questions? I just want a yoni massage!”

There are those who prefer to make spontaneous choices and jump right in. This can be exciting, and life calls for spontaneity at times! However, I suggest you put thought into this as your yoni is your most sacred physical space. It is all too easy to jump right into something intriguing, glamourous and ‘spiritual’. Especially by trusting your ‘guides’, girlfriends’ opinions, oracle cards and vibe. But I want you to begin to develop deeper discernment and conscious choice by incorporating heart, mind and ideally soul impulse. This means contemplating and sitting with some decisions. The gift and joy you can gain by taking this time (to do inner work) is that you begin to know yourself better; what motivates you, why you are propelled to make the choices you do, what is best for you, your highest self and purpose etc.



To elaborate on the questions I’ve offered you;

Are you in the hands of a true and trusted professional?

With many people being ‘taught’ how to give yoni massage, and some even getting a piece of paper to say they are certified, comes the next wave of ‘healers’ and yoni whispers at your service. I encourage you to keep in mind, that someone doing a course on yoni massage does not mean they actually know what they are doing, that they are pure* and able to hold such sacred space for a woman.

(You may also be curious to know who trained them? What did this training involve? Why did they do it? … or any question/s that feel relevant to you before you go sans panties and let them get to work on your yoni.)

Then there are others who have spent X years doing bodywork on women, sometimes devoting their practice to this entirely, sometimes offering it alongside reiki treatments, yoni steaming, other body work and healing modalities etc. Like anything that involves surrendering your body to someone’s skill, you want to do your research first. This is why I encourage you to feel, sit with, contemplate, explore into what is coming up for you if you are considering booking a session.



Most people do not know how to hold sacred space and most are not as pure as you think.

This sounds like a big call, and it is. What I am talking about is the ability to be the wise calm in the storm. The rock for you when you are the wild ocean and the light when all feels dark. When, as for example; you go into a shock, traumatic state or elated emotions – as this experience may bring up unexpressed and old trauma for you – can the person guide you through it? Do they know what to do? Do they know how to read your body, your energy, your emotions and perhaps even your soul? Will they act for your highest good not your lower ego/personality/animal nature and astral/emotional body? Are they able to hold space and keep you safe? Guide you through the darkness back to the light? Are they able to empower your journey giving you tools to move forward?

Holding sacred space for such an intimate and vulnerable experience is not a skill that many have trained, practiced and mastered. For your wellbeing it is essential that the practitioner has awareness as to what they are really doing. Particularly in regards to supporting you or any woman through expressing trauma / emotions that may come up in the process etc., and how to provide support or care after the experience.



As for being ‘pure’*

I am referring to physical, emotional and astral energy, mental and intent. The person giving you the yoni massage can pass their energy to you and as the open and ready receiver, (which woman/feminine is, as the receptacle), you can take that energy into your own field and it may not be ideal.

Pause and think for a moment, how often have you seen part time ‘spiritual’ people or people who portray themselves as spiritual but aren’t quite there yet to be the one leading you? Being a practitioner of the sacred arts is a way of life. Like living a yogic or Tantric life, this is part of a path of consciousness raising and service. Does your potential yoni masseuse live in such alignment?

It’s also good to keep in mind there are those who do ‘yoni massage’ and all different courses, those who run the courses and, those who are self-trained. All who have different motivations to truly assisting your ever-deepening spiritual path. Some are seeking for themselves even if they appear to have good intentions. Some are ignorant of how sacred this process really is and what can come up for a woman. Some do not have solid boundaries and cannot be trusted but continue to work in these circles nonetheless. Like any ‘healer’ or body worker there are MANY who offer the service and FEW who know the art of the practice, can hold the sacred space, be trusted and, also know how to read you along the way to facilitate the experience which will benefit you most.

Only you will know who and what is best for you.


Pleasure and Healing

Most practitioners I have met use yoni massage to create ‘pleasure’ or they say it can ‘heal’. But they usually only work on a very superficial level of the physical body, and emotions on a superficial level including pleasure / pain. There seems to be a gap between connecting the body (your orgasmic pleasure and connection with your physical self on all levels) to then raising that animal nature to the heart and consciousness. This disconnect therefore isn’t serving you to the highest capacity. It is a very limiting path of least resistance. The challenge, the place of growth and depth is missing for you as the seeker wanting ultimate fulfilment. That is because no yoni massage, no matter how orgasmic or ‘releasing’ in and of itself can give you that ultimate fulfilment nor sustain it. That is why I encourage you to go far beyond even if you choose to first try or experiment with receiving one.


On a personal note

I haven’t chosen to receive a yoni massage from a practitioner, and while I have been trained by one of my trusted Tantra teachers in the ancient and sacred art of yoni massage, it has never been something I have chosen to offer as a professional service either. This is mainly because of, as I mentioned earlier, on this path the ‘yoni’ is only a very small part of the work. The physical body itself is only a part of the work. Hence I talk of the yoni, heart, mind, soul connection. And focus on the harmony of this circuitry in the healing work I offer. I am an advocate of teaching people to empower themselves and their journey by ideally doing this intimate work with themselves first and foremost and then with a current or future partner – this can be guided by a professional, but need not involve removing your clothes.  While some people want to just receive and have this experience, making that choice from a place of consciousness and discernment is what I suggest both personally and professionally. Though ultimately what is of greater importance here is that as women or men, we go beyond just the physical plane of the body – which we put so much attention and focus on that it blocks our perception of reality and, thus our ability to grow as humans and souls.


Inviting women to learn how to explore their own healing journey with the yoni and entire body, along with a connection to the heart/feelings/emotions and mind/consciousness/soul is imperative.  Yes, this can incorporate learning how to give yourself a yoni massage and to explore your yoni in all its unique beauty. Even have your partner learn how to give you a yoni massage. BUT beyond just physical stimulation you can instead explore and experience internal awareness using your;

*Breath and breathing techniques – which may also include sound, chanting, mantra, movement – be it to music, in gentle asana / yoga practice,

*To then exploring visualisation, contemplation, reflection and meditation.

**It is important to be aware that it is not advised to combine sex nature with chanting and mantra as it can create unpredictable results as it amplifies the sex centre instead of the heart and mind / consciousness. However, breathing / chant / mantra – not done at the same time as sexual stimulation such as a yoni massage – but to move from lower nature to a shared consciousness and higher nature can be part of the path. The reason why this is important is because we often do not fully understand what the breathing techniques and mantras etc actually mean or what they are designed to do, nor if we are able to be the clear channel for that. Just something to keep in mind. 

There are many ways to explore pleasure and healing. Then, as we commit to it on the Tantric path, expanding and weaving together to raise consciousness. Ultimately we want you to discover ways that can bring you into more of a  present, aware and in the heart as much as possible.

As always and above all else sit with what is best for you, but do not rush your choice. Your yoni is too sacred! You may also enjoy reading 3 Phases of Evolving the Feminine; Primal, Emotional and Heart if you are wanting more insight and depth on your feminine journey including and beyond your divine body temple.


May you alway honour your Truth.

With Love, Elise / S*M


  1. Tamzin on September 14, 2017 at 11:41 pm

    Thank you lovely , this is really good advice . I am booked into a full day workshop on Sunday for women only to learn all about their yoni . I will go with this insight and keep in mind to follow what feels right for ME . I have always respected my yoni and now I wish to learn more about her as we have only just connected ! I feel joy in reading your words as I can enter this class with a little piece wisdom from you and a voice from me if it doesn’t sit right .
    Thank you once again . You always seem to speak words that I need at the right time .
    One smiling peaceful woman here x

    • stellamuse on September 15, 2017 at 5:23 am

      Dearest Tamzin, thank you for sharing! Always keep your mind and heart open to your TRUTH no matter what any ‘teacher’ speaks. At the end of the day it is the authentic teachings that are most powerful, and they have been so lost and distorted amid the ‘glamour’ of sex sells in this world. Use your discernment and know it is YOU who knows you best. Enjoy the journey! With Love, Elise / S*M

Leave a Comment