Ecstasy In Making Love and Being Love


Ecstasy is Cool, it is not hot, sweaty and steamy.


When a woman opens herself from within, her sexual experiences become cool, even if they get wild at times. Though don’t confuse ‘cool’ for ‘cold’, they are not one and the same. Coolness is about being firmly and deeply rooted in yourself first and foremost. We can connect the concept of ecstasy here to the bliss that the Enlightened ones talk of; refering to the snow in the Himalayas when they describe it so.

Blissful people, like those who are open to experience natural ecstasy during love making, are not jumping up and down all the time, hot and excited – they are more serene, inwardly composed, alive while passionate.

This is the path of ecstasy; in life and love, in making love and essentially being love.


First stage is to become present. Fully and completely in the here and now. Not thinking what’s for dinner, the call you need to make, how your belly looks from this angle. Those thoughts are activity and activity is equivalent to chaos; all over the place with no purpose or intention. Unlike action. Action is the polar opposite and this is where you choose to be; actively being present in your body. You can try sitting before your beloved, cross legged, holding hands in dim light / candle light and become present together.


In Tantra we are taught that it is no only what we do but how we do it. The second stage is to shift from excitement (which leads to the desire and lust for friction conventional sex, clitoral stimulation, penetration and ejaculation,) and into relaxation. Relaxation starts with dropping the shoulders, unclenching the jaw, softening the face, the belly.

The practice of being here and now in a relaxed state gently releases the attachment to an end goal (peak orgasm) and instead allows for Tantric love making, or ‘being love’ to organically take place. You are taking your focus off genital stimulation solely being required for climax. By doing this you are allowing the energy; ching / sexual energy, to spread throughout your body instead of it being released in a short sharp outburst from the genitals. Think of this experience as meditation rather than activity.


Third stage is breath. Deep breathing. The Complete Breath involves a full deep inhale and a long, slow exhale. Ideally in sync with your beloved who sits before you. As your partner inhales, you inhale, as they exhale you exhale. Close your eyes once you have flow. Spend 5-15 minutes or so ‘syncing’ here, breathing as one vibrant, living organism. This is conscious breathing.


Fourth stage is to bring eye contact into this process, softly, partially open the eyes so as to see with gentle vision your beloved before you as you breath together. Receptive, soft vision, greeting, welcoming your beloved into your intimate space. For the eyes are a portal to your soul and they call “In To Me I See” as they mirror back to you your own reflection.


Fifth stage is lingering kissing. From this active state of consciousness and connection if it feels natural for you and your partner move closer in a comfortable embrace, such as Yab Yum, with woman sitting in the mans lap facing him, legs wrapped around his waist and arms around his shoulders. Begin softly kissing, long, lingering kisses. Feel into each connection, feel your beloveds warmth, their moist mouth, how they taste, how this connection moves energy in your body. Build the intensity of your kissing and the intimacy and love will deepen between you. Enjoy the moment for all it is and stay present in the here and now.



(Yab Yum position while exchanging and syncing sexual / ching energy through the fusion of microcosmic orbits)


Beyond… From here you can choose to enjoy each others bodies as you continue kissing, being present, taking moments of stillness, silence, while maintaining awareness and consciousness at all times. This may be all you both choose to explore and you may happily go to sleep or go on with the rest of your day. Do not think this must lead to sex or orgasm. The experience may well be an orgasmic space in itself and you may feel tremendous satisfaction. If you both choose to continue ensure it is an organic, natural flow where you don’t think nor bow to desire but instead are carried by love itself to move. This distinction may take time to sense but with patience, practice, space and time, it can blossom, much like love.


This takes time to cultivate, like a woman takes time to soften, relax and warm to receive. The key above all else here is to relax into oneself first, then and only then can you relax into ecstasy and experience this with another. Less activity, less ‘doing’ and more active ‘being’ will allow you both to soften and relax into the moment to create a sacred experience of Tantric love making; essentially you will arrive at the realisation you are both simply Love itself.


If you are seeking guidance along your Tantric path or sacred sexual and spiritual direction and wholistic life mentorship please connect with me HERE.

With Love, Elise / S*M

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