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The fire that raged inside of me could have burnt my inner temple down if I let it rampage any longer. Two days of flaming anger gnawed at my insides this week. I had been here before some time ago, where I walked this shadow realm for three solid days before I broke open my heart. I knew this would pass and I knew I wasn’t ‘angry’ at any one person. I knew this anger was not ‘me’, but it was there and it was fighting to control all of me. I stuck to my practices, I meditated, but an eruption was bubbling up like a volcano from the pit of my gut all the way to my throat. I allowed it to take over for this space of time. I allowed it to push me to exhaustion before I asked for help, for guidance from my teacher who spoke from a place of non-judgment and unconditional love, the same place I come from when I hold that sacred space for those who come to me. And she said it is the clashing of the new world with the old. I resonated with this. I felt the ‘death’ all around me since a friend just passed and another tribe member danced with leaving this earth plane recently too, all the while the transformation inside my body felt like part of ‘me’ was dying. But this sense of ‘death’ was a fight, a clash of the Titans and what I didn’t see she showered me; that this warfare of old and new worlds was my personality, my ego, or ‘glamour’ as she calls it, fighting for dear life to hold onto it’s place of power knowing it would have to fight to the death with my Soul.
Living in a world where at times how my body looks is perceived as the most important, or what I say on a certain platform is edited by another authority to reach more people on a mainstream level, drives my ‘personality’ to act and want to take over. As someone who also works in the realm of archetypes I can see this is a form of ‘prostitution’. Of “how much is your soul worth?” “What are you willing to do for that?” … “What are you prepared to say to be seen?”
This can come at the cost of my heart and my soul, of the love and the light that I am and am are here to be. I have struggled with this internal battle since I can remember; being in the world but not of the world. Of struggling to share the light with the ‘many’ to awaken consciousness and inspire others to walk their own path of love as Warriors of Light. But along the way I am veered off track by ‘personality’ leading me to a place of the unconscious depths. Where the photo of my body is more powerful than the energy that radiates from my beating heart. And while I see beauty in the creation of the human form, and the importance of creating a message people can relate to, at what cost to my heart and soul is in alignment with this?
I choose to stand naked through these words, to bare my soul and say I came through the darkness of those two days because I surrendered to my heart, to what I knew deep within me, that the direction that comes through me from intuition, consciousness, Source/Spirit/ The Divine if you will. I surrendered to come back to a place of knowing that I don’t have to strive and struggle to reach the ‘many’ to be of service and share the light. If only one person feels this and takes an ember from this flame, places it in their heart and fuels their path of light until they open their heart and pass an ember onto another soul my job here upon this earth is done.
To be true, my authentic self is to come from love and light, not personality, ego and fear. My invitation to you, if you too are open, ready, and willing is to join me and walk a path that honours your heart and soul. Because that place of supreme power is not in how much you have, make or do, but in the essence of your being. Empowerment comes from inside your very heart and it was placed there before you came to earth and it will be with you when your time comes to leave. I honour this part in you more than any title you may hold. I love this part of you more than any car you drive. I worship this part of you more than any body you live in. Surrender to your heart. What does it crave, what does it long for, what does it choose when everything else is stripped away and you have clarity of inner mind? To do this;
Stop, silent, still yourself, have patience, observe and listen, draw the LIGHT into you … your heart will speak to you and guide you. And there you will come to know thy self.
I send love to your Divine Soul.
And if you are on this path, feel alone, challenged, confused, lost or pained as you peel back your own layers walking through the shadow, know guidance is here and you can connect with me. HERE … and choose Heart over ego every time.
With Love, Elise / S*M