Tantric Myths Busted & How to Really Maintain a ‘Tantric Lifestyle’

Artwork Elise Carr / S*M


I have been asked on many occasions “how do you maintain a ‘Tantric lifestyle’ amongst work and life commitments?”

This is a brilliant question which I wanted to get real with by demystify for you some of what Tantra isn’t so you can begin to get a better grasp on what it is.

A Tantric lifestyle is ‘work’ and ‘life’ – as it is a way of life. It is not a part of the whole, it is the whole.


There is a lot of confusion around what Tantra is, making what I’m suggesting seem complicated or unrealistic.


The thought of a Tantric lifestyle to many implies;

Non-stop sexual energy pulsing sensually and powerfully through your body, feeling turned on all the time and experiencing multiple orgasms with self and or partner/s each time you make love, which of course is often and lasts for hours and may well lead to awakenings and ultimately enlightenment.

There is also a misconception;

Of it being totally okay to go into wild ‘Kali’ mode and project your unprocessed emotions onto someone else – as you’re just ’embodying Kali’ or having a ‘Kali’ moment,  so its’ fine.

No this is not fine.

And neither of these ‘versions’ of Tantra are entirely correct.


They are illusions. A large part of what the Western world has so perfectly constructed and glamourised for you to constantly seek and pursue feeling good, living a life of pleasure and not taking responsibility for your actions (or pain). It is not the all encompassing Tantra that has been around for centuries and practiced as a ‘lifestyle’ all around the world. It is the McDonalds of Tantra – the fast, cheap and easy version sold to many who want the shiny experience, right now, that everyone keeps talking about. The I’ll have what she’s having Meg Ryan moment at the breakfast booth of the cafe if you will. I’m not saying none of the above can’t be possible in some way, on the contrary, but it is skewed version of only parts of what Tantra may be.


If you can see beyond the entirely glamorised version you may still be thinking; “but how can I run a successful business, be in a high pressure role, or be a creative while perhaps also being a hands on parent or studying or stirring the organic sauce for my Divine dinner, then make passionate intimate Love from dusk till dawn, or at least an hour?!!!”

I hear you!


So here’s the thing, all of the above mentioned has the potential to be ‘Tantric’ as this is a way of seeing, sensing, feeling, immersing and experiencing life from a place of harmonising life’s dualities to reach a union of Oneness. (Think of yoga – to yolk – to merge and unionise to form one. Just like yoga being a collection of life practices from asana practice on your mat to the words you use and the non-harm you commit to practicing. Tantra is also.) It is not only what you do but how you do it – with consciousness, with presence, with intention, with heart, with a peaceful mind, with a connection to soul and Spirit – not projecting your stuff onto others or constantly seeking pleasure and quick fixes! Easier said than done until you begin to invest yourself in the unfolding of showing up and stepping up for your own evolution, baby step by baby step, day by day.


Yes, it requires practice to create habits of thinking and feeling this way. And at times life may feel fluid and some what effortless, and other times it may be a giant challenge that appears unrelenting. This is duality in motion. This is the conscious path of Love, of Light, of Tantra. This is life. It is this way for all of us, no matter where we are along the path and which practices we use to travel it. It is a matter of cycles, of rhythm of summers and winters, of day and night, of feminine being and masculine doing. It is the internal dance of Shakti & Shiva in us and in our relationships – all relationships romantic or otherwise.


Your role and mine is to see this, acknowledge it and accept it by surrendering to flow with what we are to flow with, and changing what we are to change in order to grow and evolve as souls upon this earth. The more we do this the more seamless the challenges become and we are in more unified flow with all that is. We have ‘weaved’ the two parts of feminine and masculine together to expand our consciousness – just as the meaning of Tantra implies; to weave to expand.


Tantra requires a balancing of all the facets of life; showing up each day, with body, heart, mind, soul and Spirit in alignment to the best of your current awareness in the NOW.


Check in with these parts of yourself and see what in this very moment would serve you best for your;
Body  – What does your body need to thrive/heal/strengthen right now?
Heart – What does your heart need to soften, open, be more loving or forgiving?
Mind – What can assist your mind in calming the noise and feeling more peace?
Soul – What can awaken within you to align more with the soul you are here to be?
Spirit – How can you connect deeper with Spirit in this very moment?

-Muse on these and take action-


In a sacred union your partner needs to be investing in this journey for themselves, as well as both of you doing so for the relationship too – coming, instead from a place of ‘me’, to a place of ‘we’ as a unified, merged Oneness. This requires commitment, time, patience, loving kindness, compassion, non-judgment, surrender, a clear mind and open heart. Every day to the best of your ability.


It is beyond making love and pleasure seeking, but focusing instead on being Conscious Love in the every day. It is in the extraordinary of the ordinary moments of day to day life along with the most intimate, juicy and treasured connections.


In every moment that comes to you ask;

“How can I be more present, connected and loving with self and/or my beloved?”

This will change from moment to moment, day to day and cycle to cycle as you begin to notice both your patterns and theirs, along with the patterns of the relationship; communicate and explore them together. Work to evolve beyond the old ways to create new so both of you as individual souls grow, and the strength of the relationship expands as it deepens to great Love and soul connection.


Something to Muse on.


Feel free to share your thoughts below, Stunning Soul and connect with me if I can assist you along your path.


With Love, Elise / S*M

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